***Just a note. This, as with other blog posts, are not necessarily reality. Rather, many of my posts tend to be either loosely based on reality or based on something I read, the lives of those around me, etc.
Afterwords, you apologized. You said you were sorry, and that it was at least 90% your fault. As if one can put a percentage on culpability. You said that you never should have let that happen, that you should have kept your reason in check and your hands to yourself. You said that you were the man, that you had to be the responsible one, that it was all you, you you. And you apologized. For not treating me as you ought. For hurting me. You thought you hurt me, but I hurt you.
I tried to tell you why. I tried to explain that all I wanted was for someone to understand, but you misunderstood. Earlier, when I asked how your day was, you said "good" and then "goodbye," leaving me holding a silent phone. When I tried to tell you I felt left out, you gave me a sympathetic hug and told me that "it will be ok. Everything will work out." You're always telling me that--"It will be ok." As if time actually heals. What a lie. What a sickening, dark, twisted lie. Time won't remove underlying issues. Like you, time won't listen to me, time won't understand, and time won't love. I just want to be understood. And loved. Really loved.
I have become familiar to your changing the topic when I am trying to share parts of myself, of my past, of who I am as a person. Of my confusion towards who I ought to be. Oh, sometimes you listen.Sometimes you fulfill every requirement to nod and smile. But you do not understand. I want you to understand.
Yes, you apologized.You said you were sorry for what you believe to be an issue, for what you believe to be hurting me. It is not an issue. You did not hurt me. What hurts me is your not understanding this. Your not understanding me. But... maybe I have this wrong. Maybe you will understand someday. If I give it enough time.
