It would have been helpful to have had a hamster as a pet. It has taken me far to long to learn something that that tiny little rodent could have taught me as early as I could open my eyes. As it turns out, turning from one direction and running the other in a hamster wheel does not get one out of the whirling insanity. The perspective may be new, but the wheel remains.
At least, this is what life seems to be teaching me recently, in a recent fit of unhealthy introspection.
I've realized that the thing I've longed for most has always been the thing I'm most afraid of. That used to be death. Now it's love. You know, the pure Agape kind of love that orders everything to be as it ought. Thing is, I thought I changed, but I haven't. I'm in the same spot as always, just looking in a different direction. I'm still trying to hop off this wheel of insanity, just by different, but equally terrifying means.
To use another analogy: I'm sitting on the edge of a diving board. I used to want to climb back down, into the "pits of despair" (to be over-dramatic and cliche.) Now I'm looking forward, into the waters of life. (Another cliche.) Thing is, I haven't moved.
How long can I sit comfortable on the unstable tip of this diving board, too afraid to face either the solid ground behind or the impending waters ahead?
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